Listening Power
The Executive Director had been on the phone for hours with an upset board member. I’d heard from the ED how tired she was of hearing this board member complain and all the reasons she was wrong. The third time the board member called the ED patched her through to me to “take care of it.”
So I listened. I heard the board member out. I didn’t interrupt. I reflected back what I heard was the concern. I asked for clarification when I didn’t understand. I genuinely apologized for the error that led to the frustration in the first place. and also gave some added context for the situation. By the end of our conversation the board member had calmed - she didn’t need to call back again.
Between my training in peacebuilding and conflict resolution and my years of work in fundraising and organizing I’ve been able to hone my listening chops. I’ve listened to countless donor complaints, volunteer stories, and employee gripes and celebrations. And I’ve learned proof for myself of that adage that people just want to be heard. Almost every volatile situation I’ve encountered in the workplace has been quelled by taking a step back and truly listening to my upset colleague first.
Now, I’m not a perfect listener by any means. My amazing mentor and friend, Lori Jacobwith, knowing that I wanted to build a consulting practice that included deep listening as foundational lent me Listen to Succeed by Leslie B. Shore. As I worked my way through Leslie’s book I could identify all the ways I experience listening barriers (hello, digital distractions and biased listening!).
Listening Power?
Importantly, Leslie shares that in our Western, professionalized workplaces we function in a “knowledge economy.” She writes, “personal and professional success leans heavily on how much we can learn about our friends and family, our jobs, the organizations where we work, and ourselves.” In this context, being a strong listener is linked to leadership success. Listening = power. (Indeed, just search “listening” on Harvard Business Review and you’ll find a ton of articles noting research and anecdotes backing up this claim.)
In my own experience while listening has lent itself to power - power in trust and relationship-building and in the ability to be strategic and produce strong work - speaking power still reigns supreme. The people who can talk the most, who can command a room, who have that extroverted charisma are our EDs and CEOs, they’re the face of our programs and departments. When we think of how nonprofits have been made more “business-like,” “soft skills” continue to struggle to gain a foothold in this power paradigm, regardless of the lip-service we pay to them.
Sharing Power
Where is power located in your organization? Is it with the listeners, the speakers, or a mix of both? While Leslie calls us to decouple the idea of listening and weakness, and instead focus on the power of listening, our speakers also have a responsibility to proactively share power with listeners. I can’t count the number of times a colleague has felt comfortable confiding in me, as a perceived leader at the organization, one with listening power, to share a challenge with the organization or a critique of the structure or leadership. And when I share that with the “higher-ups” (with the employee’s permission) the response is defensiveness or anger at the critique or that it was told to me. The leader is focused on the problem with the employee, rather than listening to the critique and wondering “why was that employee not comfortable talking to me?” Rather than evaluating their own listening power.
“Best Practices” might tell us how important, good, or powerful listening can be, but have we actually created the space, structures, and practices in our organizations to make the skill and use of listening a reality?
Instead of or in addition to asking “does anyone have anything to say?” We can ask:
“What are we hearing from ourselves, from our people, from our system?”
“Who have we listened to lately and what did they share with us?”
“Who have we not listened to and how can we?”
“What structures can be created in an organization to create a “listening ecosystem?’”
Resources:
Listen to Succeed by Leslie B. Shore is a great resource if you are looking for a systematic way to identify and work through listening barriers you may have in a Western, dominant culture frame.
For steps on strengthening your listening as a leader in your workplace, this Harvard Business Review article is a good place to start, and where I drew on the idea of a “listening ecosystem.”
For more on how the nonprofit sector become professionalized and “businesslike,” due to neoliberal forces of the 20th century, see the chapter “Critical Perspectives on the History and Development of the Nonprofit Sector in the United States” by Billie Sandberg.